Why is it always the other guy?

You know how it is.  The man who gets the response from the Mistress on twitter or seems to know everyone on Fet Life.  Why does he get the action when you don’t?  It is hardly fair is it?

Well, actually it often tends to be more than fair.  He is the guy that has paid for a session with the Mistress numerous times.  He is the one who attends munches and club nights.  He is the one who puts his photo on his profile rather than a generic kink photo from google images.  He is the one that makes BDSM part of his life.

What is wrong with you?  You are always polite in the messages you send to 25 Domme’s per day.  You compliment them.  You suggest you might like to session one day in the future without ever committing.  You don’t log in to twitter for a month  but that’s ok because you’ve been busy.  You long for submission but on your terms.  You shouldn’t have to pay £50 to be in a filming session, after all, the Domme will be making money from it.

So, why is it always the other guy?


All tied up – self bondage

Paradoxical elements flow through the heart of BDSM.  Choosing limits when giving up control is an obvious example of this.  The submissive thrives on the idea of total surrender but will do so on their own terms.

For many they are unable, for whatever reason, to find someone to live out their inclinations in the real world.  Some will consume kink virtually through videos, online chat and other digital means.  Others may satisfy their kink on their own, whether it be dressing up, exercising self instructed control or indulging whatever other predilections they have.

For bondage aficionados, the idea of playing alone leaves more questions than answers.  The thrill of being bound is the loss of control.  The loss of control is as a result of another restraining the sub in such a way that they are unable to free themselves.  The act of self bondage can give the illusion of that lack of control, but to truly restrain oneself to the point of total restriction comes the reality that another is needed to ensure eventual freedom. Continue reading “All tied up – self bondage”

The problem with subs

It is quite a scary time realising you’re a submissive.  When you see a coming of age story not many of them veer in to the murky world of BDSM.  When you have that realisation that you get a kick from being controlled and pleasing another it is difficult to know where to go with it.

The internet is a god send of course.  Imagine 30 years ago your option was to front up to a fetish night, if you even knew what they were or where to find one.  Nowadays the relative anonymity of the net allows exploration in to many depths. Continue reading “The problem with subs”

What’s in a kink?

“A form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body etc”.  Whilst it says something about what ‘a fetish’ is, it also doesn’t put any meat on any bones.

At points in my sexual voyage of discovery I have come across things that I find down right bizarre.  Just at the point of making a judgement or snide comment I take a step back and realise that I in the same band.  I have a kink that has no rhyme or reason.  Who am I to think that someone who wants to dress up as a baby and sleep in a cot is any weirder than me who has an obsession with PVC and latex?  Is a sploshing enthusiast more peculiar than me as a boot fetishist? Continue reading “What’s in a kink?”


Every now and then there is a stage in this journey when a step up is made that seems to take things to a higher level. Whether it’s the first purchase of a kink toy or a first trip to a fetish night, things aren’t the same as they were before this milestone.

For the last five days I’ve experienced one of these milestones when I entered in to chastity for the first time. I bought a device and took the bold step to have it delivered to the office. I didn’t have a plan as such but having read about the devices and the role they play I decided to invest. Continue reading “Chastity”

Sign up for updates

I have had a few people ask me whether I have a mailing list with updates about the book and its release.  My answer up until now has always been in the negative but I plan to rectify that very soon.

If you would like to leave some details and go on the mailing list then fill in the contact form and I will be sure to include you on the list. Continue reading “Sign up for updates”

Chapter One

It seems a long while since I wrote it but I wanted to share Chapter One of More Than Whips and Chains with you all just to get it out there and hopefully whet the appetite of some of you.  All feedback welcome.

It has always intrigued me where we get our primeval desires from.  Why does one person have a preference for brunettes whilst another prefers redheads?  Why does one person like tall girls whilst another lusts after larger women?  Taking it to a more basic level, why does one person like being tied up by a latex clad dominatrix whilst another would be mortified at the thought? Continue reading “Chapter One”

What’s it all about?

Hi there.  Thanks for stopping by and welcome to my shiny new website.  I’ll take this chance to offer a brief explanation of what it is about and what can be expected.

After many years of writing about other subjects and losing interest, I have decided to turn my hand to writing about a hidden aspect of my life.  I am guessing if you are reading this you have some level of interest in BDSM/kink/bondage or whatever else you want to call it. Continue reading “What’s it all about?”